I am infinite. You are infinite.  There is no relationship. There is no word I can say to describe how beautiful you are.  All language and languaging is a lie.  A metaphor.  An apple is not simply a group of sounds.  "AAhhhpple."  It is more than that.  A crisp, juicy snap of fruit and nourishment dropping from a tree top.  And so, we can use words to point at the ineffable, the inconceivable, we can taste the flavor of being, smell the fragrance of freedom, but nothing I can say can pinpoint it: who I truly am.

There is no one to awaken and nowhere to awaken into.  The evaporation of perceived separateness can happen or not happen.  It is a loss, only.  In the story, it is a loss of the appearance of a separate individual.  There is no practice to cause this falling away.  We can meditate.  We can sit with a teacher.  We can sit in stillness, We can sit in nature. We can sit with each other.  We can hold each other's hand.  Awakening can happen or not happen.  The dropping away of an illusory self.  A separate individual that cannot dissolve, cannot die, and cannot be destroyed.  The suggestion is that the faculty of agency had never existed.  But the illusion, the illusion can disappear. 
 

This collapsing can happen all at once, or in bits and pieces.  The loss of a doer, the loss of an allower, and so on.  There can be the appearance of a process or not. 

 

There have been three awakening stories in my life.  Three flashes which were so deep that nothing was the same afterwards.  These are just stories.  One was when I was six years old.  I saw a spirit for the first time.  This body saw a spirit.  And heard it, externally.  The event frightened me, and so, the body shut down it's sensitivity.  With this shutting down came a great fear, a perceived inability to talk about these experiences, or any deep emotion, a feeling of being separate, socially on the outside, and there was also insomnia, panic attacks, and suicidal thoughts.  These thoughts and feelings were hidden until they escalated to the point where nothing mattered other than feeling better.  And so the "healing journey" began.  Healing journey is in quotes because there is no one to heal.  There can be a returning of energy to the system.  Functioning and good feelings.  But any specific goal of healing, or enlightenment can be a recipe for suffering. 

 

Years later, as an adult, I moved to the woods.  And I began to hear the voice of animals. In a subtle way, that was comforting.  And directive.  And so, the one thing appears as energy.  As energetic form.  Why does the one thing appear as energy to this body?  Who knows.  There is no one to know.

The second was as a young adult when my car  flipped over four times on the highway.  I was unharmed.  The feeling of flying in the face of death created a subconscious link to the infinite.

After that I spent many years studying art, playing music, and exploring spirituality.  I worked as a Yoga Instructor, then a Shiatzu practitioner, then I worked for a publishing company creating music for guided meditations.  I learned from my parents, who are Internal Family Systems Therapists, about IFS. I studied Shamanism, and allowed in a relationship with my ancestors.  I learned to receive information in my dreams.  I learned about the Chakra system and Kundalini energy.  And finally, I began to face my fears about past lives and the spirit world.  More and more, an openness blossomed to try absolutely anything that could alleviate suffering.

The third awakening story was in my adult life, about six years ago.  I fell into a twelve-day fever.  During this fever, a collapse of the perception of a separate self began.  A list of clear insights formed in the brain, and when the body grabbed a pen, out came twenty poems.  Books.  And painting began.  Painting from memory.  There was a joy, and a lightness of being.  There was an ease in showing up to relationships and responsibilities.  There was a lighthearted excitement about the adventure of both life and death.  There was an ability to navigate the appearance of both physical and energetic forms.  There were far less thoughts happening.  And there was deep, nourishing sleep.

 

​Art happened.  Writing happened.  And I began to sit with people in 1:1 sessions talking about non-duality, spirituality, and IFS.  And anything that arises.

 

There are still feelings.  Pain, or cold, or hunger.  Even anger.  Anything can arise.   Anything can arise for this nobody.  This nobody who loves you! 

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       Inspiring People

 

Leela Muse, Michael Jeffreys, Jim Newman, Tony Parsons, Emerson, Eckhart Tolle, Ram Dass, Carolyn Myss, Brian Weiss, Esther Hicks, Dolores Cannon, Ramaji, Suzanne Chang, Fred Davis, Rupert Spira, Adyashanti, Satya Vayu, Tim Cliss, Kim Gordon, Kim Deal, Frank Black, PJ Harvey, Nina Simone, Nick Cave, Rainer Maria Rilke, Herman Hesse, Hilma Af Klint, Childe Hassam, Degas, William Blake...

     

        Education
 

• Bachelor of Fine Arts from Lewis and Clark College.                                                 

• Associate degree from the Swedish Institute of Health and Sciences in Chinese Medicine.                

• Training in Structural Iyengar Yoga Teacher

• License in Massage Therapy                                                        

• Studied Internal Family Systems Therapy with my parents, Internal Family Systems therapists, Bonnie Weiss & Dr. Jay Earley. 

   

• Studied color, and mediumship with psychic-medium Jamie Butler.

• Studied Shamanism with Daniel Foor & Autumn Edwards.

• Learned music from my father, who is a professional jazz and bebop musician.

• Every animal, every flower bursting with color, every flash of light, every creation, every hand held, every word said, every smile...